Set up an information team
- Consider setting up a team where one person in your family or social group receives updates and then passes them on to the rest of the group. Group messaging or an email list may be helpful. This will mean they don’t have to answer the same question over again and whether visiting is appropriate
Ask before you visit
- Cancer symptoms, mood, and eagerness to have visitors are unpredictable. Whether they are at home or in the hospital it’s essential to ask permission before visiting. Be flexible and understand that they may need to cancel plans and may not be able to return your communication every time.
Every diagnosis and journey is different
- Comparing the person’s experience to someone else’s has little value and may make you appear to be dismissive. Try to offer sympathy without comparison.
They are the same person
- Few people appreciate being treated differently after a diagnosis of cancer. The knowledge of their diagnosis shouldn’t overly affect how you interact with them. They will still enjoy the everyday things they did before. Keeping a bit of normal can be a great support.
Facilitate eating and drinking
- People living with cancer often have issues around food. There is a difficult balance between trying to force them to eat versus facilitating them to eat and drink. Providing them with some favourite snacks and access to drink is helpful. Forcing them to eat when they don’t want to is not helpful.
- Providing ready-made meals can also be helpful. Use the point of contact to check what would be helpful. Make sure to send it in a container you don’t want back.
Take them to their treatments or appointment.
- These can be very stressful times. As well as taking them along you can offer to take notes and collect paperwork and forms for them.
Avoid adding your two cents.
- Expressing your concern by offering an opinion or passing on information you’ve heard or read is not appealing to most cancer patients. Consider keeping your thoughts to yourself unless asked, no matter how well-intentioned they are. Rather, listen and try to understand what they are going through.
Support in, dump out.
- This concept is that the person with cancer is in the centre of a set of circles. In this theory, you support into the centre of the circle. Hold your complaints, fears and concerns when you are with people closer to the centre than you. These responses are completely normal and appropriate. Save them for people further from the centre of the circle to you.
- Comfort in, dump out
- A better explanation of this ring theory is here.
